With its deep, dark intensity, “Pitch Dark Bastard” is 80% cocoa and 100% not here to coddle your palate. It’s bitter, bold, and built for the brave.

This isn’t your average sweet treat. It’s the villain in every rom-com, the ex your friends warned you about, and the midnight craving that won’t go away. If you like your chocolate like your humor — dry, dark, and a little dangerous — you’ve found your match.

Rich in antioxidants and richer in attitude, this dark chocolate ball is a punch to the tastebuds with a smug little smirk. Don’t expect hugs — expect obsession.